The Kofi marriage

To enjoy the mission of marriage we need to quit lifestyles and habits that can kill our relationships. The enemy of our faith --the "father of lies" will try everything possible to tear our marriages apart. 

I had a friend called Kofi Pinto whose marriage was the envy of all but unknowingly was full of deceit and cruel acts. Kofi was so selfish and always wanted to have his way. It is from his experience that I draw this lessons.  

1) IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT: One of the common problem that couples face in their marriage is the blame game .One is quick to blame the partner at the least opportunity. It is important that couples must accept responsibility and move on. That is the only way that peace will prevail in the home. We are all not perfect. Every marriage is built on a foundation and it is advisable that one seek counsel from the Bible/Quran at all times. We cannot allow the speck in our spouse's eye to make our plank larger and more blinding. Can you imagine a marriage in which each spouse puts this one teaching into practice?

2) IF IT IS TO MAKE IT HARD, YOU MIGHT NOT MERGE: Marriage is hard work. Any marriage that stays healthy and happy through the years has been worked on. It's a truth that very few understand. So when the marriage isn't smooth, couples begin to wonder: "are we right for each other?" I'd argue that hard work in marriage often suggests you marry the right person. Overall, the difficult struggles in our marriages often show us where our own personalities are deficient and give us the chance to work on it.

Scriptural truth: 1 Corinthians 7:28, "But those who marry will face many troubles in this life."

3) MEET ALL MY NEEDS: No one person can meet all your needs except God to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." As humans, you can’t get an absolute 90percent satisfaction. Being content is one key thing to meeting your needs.

4) YOU OWE ME: Remember when you first started dating your spouse? You were glad to do things for him or her and didn't really want much in return, other than his or company. For some reason, maybe because familiarity really does breed contempt, we go from our dating to our "stuck with each other" married times. This "you owe me" marriage style is destructive and rooted in the lie. You might be saying, "But what do I do when my spouse doesn't give me what I want?" You have a number of options, some healthy and some unhealthy, just think through thoroughly without being aggressive. The healthiest marriages are those in which each spouse gives because it is right to do so, not because it was owed or in order to be owed something in return.

5) I SHOULDN'T CHANGE: There is the lie that in a good marriage spouses don't have to -- or shouldn't have to-- alter who they are for each other. What garbage! Of course we need to change who we are to fit our spouses better. The challenge is deciding what to change.

When we marry, all of us have aspects of our personalities that are undersupplied and need to be tuned up or overhauled. More often than not, our weaknesses are our spouses’ strengths. Marriage involves improving our weaknesses, not wrapping ourselves in an “accept me as I am” flag.

I wish you a sound and fruitful marriage.

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